what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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