I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
