So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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