and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
