I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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