I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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