I wish I could punch you in the face.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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