Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
