I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
