i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
