that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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