dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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