have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
