Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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