she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
