I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
