she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
