...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
