this beer tastes like vomit already
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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