I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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