I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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