He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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