Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
