I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize