Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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