We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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