Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
