Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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