O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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