When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
