1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your penis caused this!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
