I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
