My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
