Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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