thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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