sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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