there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
