oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
