I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
