He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He felt like a one man threesome
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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