I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
