Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
