Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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