My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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