what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
