She is in my trunk
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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