i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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