I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
