Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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