Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
