he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
