it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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