chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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