no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Two words: nipple clamps
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