and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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