I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
