JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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