I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
