oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
